The Oxymorons of My Life

I find life boring. I find life interesting. I love my life. I hate my life.

I'm constantly going through these contradictions, sometimes I'll feel both happy and unhappy at the same time. I realize it depends on the situation I am in, and all that...but on a whole, I am bored.

I know (hope) that there is something better out there for me. Something worth living for. But, right now, I am only surviving. Not living.

Living would mean that I have a goal in mind, a dream I want to acheive. That I have my own purpose in life. Right now, my only goal is getting into the Science department of a university and going to heaven. Both goals aren't my own. They are necessary, I need them to survive in this life (and the afterlife).

For a while I thought that my goal, my dream was writing. I wanted to write. To let the world read all my thoughts and statements! ... but I no longer feel the same. I still enjoy writing, that hasn't changed. I just...can't find it in myself to put all my passion and love into this art anymore. It's just become another thing I do that I'm good at. That's it.

Then there was anime and manga. For a while I thought I was passionate about this form of entertainment. That I put all those hours into it because it taught me about life, people and various social and theoretical situations...now I realize: it was just entertainment. Something to pass the time with. Enjoyable. But a waste of time.

Quite recently I came across the MBTI test, and learned about the various personality types. I was (and still am) interested in this. I have joined a forum, I've read articles, I've spent hours self evaluating myself. And from those self evaluations I know that this interest isn't going to last long either. I'll stop feeling passion about it as soon as I think that, that is all there is to it. There is nothing more to gain, or at least nothing important left to gain. Then where will I be at?

When will I finally find something that I will love? Something that will I find interesting, entertaining, thought provoking and personal? I know that no one but myself can answer these questions...but it's still nice to let it out.

Ecstacy: The first poem.

My "name" is The Poet, so poetry I shall write!

Ecstacy

I can't stand the wait,
my mind is begging me
to stop and move my thoughts
to a place of jubilance.

Of sunshine and hummingbirds
hovering in a sky or red
blood from the sunset,
the day is coming to an end.

Life turns to death
and death turns to immortality
in my mind; the day
will never come to an end.

I'd wait for an enternity
to find tha thappy place
of sunshine and hummingbirds but
I can't stand the wait.

The First of the Many Ramblings.

Let me begin this post by saying that I am happy, relieved and anxiety free. There are many reasons for this change and the main one would have to be; I finally managed to make the title banner for this blog perfect. (Or as perfect as humanity's perfection gets.)

I will now continue this post by saying; for some reason the about me widget isn't working. So, I'll give you (if you are even there) a brief outline of my self, myself.

I am female. I am fifteen (going on sixteen in December). I am entering grade eleven. I am Canadian. I am Muslim. I am Pakistani. I am INTP. I am odd. I am unoriginal. I am unique. I am normal. I am human. I am alien. I am me.

...that makes sense, doesn't it? Oh, I forgot to mention, you may all call me The Poet (though if you scroll down to the attributions you'll notice that my first name's written there.).

And voila! There you have it. The life of The Poet. Isn't it absolutely fascinating? Yes? No? Maybe? (I honestly couldn't care that much for you opinion.)